"Liberty",this is control
Approaching Terminator line.
Roger that, be advised radio static
Understand
7, 3, 11
Looking good. Landing vector optimum touch down in T-minus 12
11, 10, 9 ...
8, 7, 6 ...
5, 4, 3 ...
2, 1.
Now drop the banners
- All set - Must we?
- The Eagle has landed baby, ha, ha, ha. - Please keep that fool off the main frequency
Are you getting a reading on your end too, Capt. Sanders?
Mission control I can confirm vast quantities of Helium 3
- The reading are stronger this way - You're breaking up, please be advised you may be nearing a meteor shower...
Adjust to communicate....
No fucking way..
Hey! Sand, what do you do with that thing hopping around over there?
I thought you suppose to take some photos of me?
Washington, have you got a visual on ... What was that, Houston?
- Hey! Washington, it's Helium 3, - What?
It's Helium 3. Mike! Get over here! Hey there's something over here you need to see
No, Sanders! Sanders! Sand.. oh! Aah!
Oh god
Houston! Houston! Son of a bitch I need to get out of here
In English, now
Where... are we from?
- Siegfried. - The earth
and when did we leave?
- Brunhild - 1945.
- And where did we go? - The dark side of the moon.
Brilliant.
Don't try to play dumb with me
It was your bad idea to send those idiots to the moon
- Talk about disaster - Um.. Not to be contrary Madam President
but I'm pretty sure it was your idea
It was my great idea had they succeeded, now it's your stupid idea. Got it?
I didn't hire you for your stupid ideas I hired you because of your modest touch
And now my poll ratings are in toilet and that election is just weeks away..
You dropped the ball Vivian,you
Now, I need a miracle. Get me a miracle
Actually how was sending those two astronauts to the moon supposed to get me re-elected,exactly
Well,we have been to the moon for 50 years. One of them was black.
- Thought it would look good - Look good how?
Like I said one of them was black
Just think of the opportunity we wasted years ago with that errand boy, Powell, Alan Powell?
- Colin Powell. - That was close
- And where are you going? - The UN, to do my job
"The Great Dictator" by Charlie Chaplin.
It is one of the world's most famous short films.
which illustrates in just 10 minutes his wish that one day, the entire world
would be here, in the great fuhrer's wise and gentle hands.
- Any questions? - I have a question.
In my classroom we are here to strictly form a manner of addressing one another
To what do we owe the honor of this visit?
- We captured an earthling. - Your expertise is required.
Hey... Hey, Sauerkraut.. right..
No, no, no, no.. I love piece of Sauerkraut.
And, and, and Volkswagen. huh? Driving pleasure.
Hey! German words.. right.
You know,this is it..
Where I come from, we speak German too, you know what I am saying..
Oh damn! You'll be sorry you did that white boy.
You are a knock out.
How do I get out of here?
Thanks lady. Have a nice day!
No, Mr. Subhuman. That is the air lock
No! No..
You may.. you may want to, cover up a bit.
All good?
I won't do that if I was you
listen to me.. listen to me.
I know a lot of important people, very important people..
I know even the President of United States of America.
Now if you kill me, then it's a really fucked up situation
You know the President of the United States of the Americas?
Thanks homie. I talk to you later baby.
Question, what is this apparatus?
Look man, how would I know? I'm just a model.
- A model of what? Citizen? - No man, a model model
Damn, what's wrong with you two? You blind or something?
- Shit, I'm pretty. - Are you part of the short trips before the invasion?
Invasion? Man, you all must be tripping
What is your mission?
Look dude, I just follow the paycheck, you know what I'm saying?
- What is this device? - Oh that's my kick ass cellphone
- and a computer. - What?
That is not a computer.
This is a computer.
No man, that's ancient history homie.
I am telling you once again..
One moment we receive conformation that the ship had landed successfully on the moon
The next, all communication stop
- They all simply vanished - Or you're hiding something from us?
Yeah, we are hiding something on the dark side of the moon
I still find it very difficult to believe that the entire purpose of the mission
was to promote your president's re-election
Well believe what you like, we had the senators spend
hundreds of millions on campaigns to get elected to dog shit posts.
But Mr. Secretary, the expenses involved this time only makes sense
if there was a military purpose..
Okay, lets get this clear
The United States has no military activity on the moon
What about natural resources activity?
We know how the US sometimes mixes the two up
Is there any chance that you are looking for Helium 3 up there?
Helium 3? You just made that up didn't you?
That's so silly
I assume these are just preliminary ideas?
Sir, we have a very small delivery window.
- Sir? - Yes, sir.
Ma'am, and this is all.
Anyone who is not the head of the department, should leave..
You idiots.
You morons! That's an insult to morons
What is this shit?
I have a meeting with the President of the United fucking States of America.
tomorrow fucking morning
Not the President of fucking Zambia.
Not the President of a fucking Janitor's Union
But the president of the fucking country ...
You fucking grown up shit. You pieces of hellacious shit
What am I supposed to tell her?
That my employees are not intelligent enough
to be fucking morons?
Are you willing to work with the fuhrer ...
In the name of the fatherland, stand behind the Wehrmacht.
This decision does not resolve all of us ...
Oh. Thank you. I thought my ears gonna bleed.
You're welcome
May I ask what your name is?
Washington.. James Washington.
- Whats yours? - Renate Richter.
It is a pleasure to meet you, Washington
James Washington.
What's wrong with your skin?
Come on now please, I mean you have met a brother before, right?
- No, I'm the only child. - No, no, no, I didn't mean like that
I meant a black man
No and this continues to confuse me
because you are much blacker than our first encounter to you.
Okay girl, look either i'm black or you're blind
Look, what is going to happen to me? I mean, whats with this guy that keeps sticking needles in me?
- What about that angry dude? - My father sticking needles into you?
That freaking scientist guy? That's your dad?
And what about you know....
Mr. Nachrichtenubermittlungs-Oberfuhrer Adler?
- I'm sorry, what? - Klaus Adler.
He's going to be the next fuhrer.
And my husband.
Did you lose a bet or something? I mean...hey..
Lucky you..
Actually, lucky him.
- I shouldn't even be here - You cannot leave me tied up like this
- Please do me a favor. - What?
- Play a Nazi - And if I don't?
- They will eliminate you. - Oh great
Is there a different radio station?
With the upcoming war ...
He's back.
Okay..hey man.. I1 dont want to look at this..
With the prisoner now being one of us we go down to earth.
He will help us to find more telephone computers in return
And then we get Gotterdammerung flying.
- Can you smell that? - No. We dont have time to waste
Take me to that president of yours.
What? The President?
Come on man, I thought you want me to take you to Mac store or something
You said that you would know the President of this United States of America.
Right, of course
That President.
May I meet this President too?
Hey, Mrs. Richter, welcome to my planet.
- Get the hell out of my property - You got to get out of here
Now hold on there Boss man
That may not be the sharpest move, look look I tell you what..
Let me go talk to those guys They know me, I one of them
Are you with me?
Yeah, now, now you're talking.
Now
I am happy to see you all man
You all know me.
- Washington. - I mean ...
That ain't one of yours, is it? Because I...
look man you ain't going to bring that shit out,man its all good,look
I'm a peace loving brother man fuck it man
- Are you alright? - Do I fucking look alright to you miss crazy fucking Nazi.
I mean, what the hell just happened?
You know..
Oh, no, mother-f way
What did you sick guys do to me?
- I should've told you - What? That I look like a fucking polar bear?
You two really, really know how to fuck up a guy's business
Idiots, what is wrong with you.
We made you Aryan, you are one of us now
- You should be thanking us - Thanking you?
What I should have done is let those brothers come up here with a size 15
and put those foot so far up your ass you can taste the toe nail for 2 fucking weeks.
Klaus.
Bring me to your leader, James Washington.
Hey, what the fuck? Excuse me
Get your hands off me, you mother...
- You can use her to your boss? - Yes, she's the cheese
- And she knows the president? - Yes, they are real tight
Come on.
You fucking assholes. Do you know who I am? huh? Do you?
You just kidnapped the wrong woman The wrong fucking woman
I hope you are having a good time. I'm gonna kick your fucking ass.
Excellent.
My turn.
I am Commander Klaus Adler of the 4th Reich We are based on the moon
I'm told you know the president of this United States of the Americas.
You will take us to that the President, because ...
I have a very special present for him. Him?
Well he'll love that. He just loves presents.
As soon as my mission is accomplished
the Nazi invasion force will be called in under my directions
and we will end the good times for the bad people
And just how do you propose to do that?
- We will simply eliminate them. - What?
- Sorry, that is not what we are told - Renate, I do not think that you ...
Yeah. Why not?
Why don't you tell this fry why we are here just like you keep telling your pupils, huh?
I would love to do that
You see...
the National Socialist Party is the people's party, nothing more...
We wish to return to earth with our message of peace and unity
love through virtue
and kindness, for example.
We are healthy, in mind and body.
Our spirits are brave and true
We achieved because we are strong, and disciplined in our cause
There is simply no belief that can match ours ...
because peace and unity is the gift we bring to all mankind.
What you and all earthlings need to know is that... Yeah, I get it
This is good.
This is gonna work.
You, I need
And you ...
I want
Alright, lets go meet the president
Madam President ...
here's the miracle you asked for.
- Who is this man? - He will lead the campaign troops
Renate, please ...
This is very simple
The world is sick ...
and we are the doctors.
The world is anaemic but we are the vitamin.
The world is weary, but we are the strength
We are here to make the world healthy once again.
With hard work ...
with honesty, with clarity, with decency.
We are the product of loving mothers and brave fathers.
We are the embodiment of love and bravery.
We are the gift of both God and science.
We are the answer to the question.
We are the promise delivered to all mankind
For that we raise our hand, to one nation.
We step to the beat of one drum
....of this world
We are the people who carry the children on our shoulders.
The same way as our fathers carried us and their fathers carried them.
We are the one people united and strong
We are the one people with certainty model certainty
We are invincible and we have no fear
Because the truth makes us one.
Hey, the moon Nazis are coming. What's wrong with you people, can't you see?
Look, I've been there. I'm telling you.
They have got this whole moon base, they have got this whole like space thing going on,
and they are coming to take over
You Nazi listen to this because the Nazis are coming.
They are coming, they coming to get us all. Why don't you guys listening to me? I mean ...
Renata
Washington. James Washington.
I'm so glad to see you alive.
Look out young one, this the bitch that made me white fuckin snowflake
Come on people, help me.
Help me.
I saved your life
So, you're a formerly dead, black model ...
who is now suddenly a living white hobo
after spending a weekend on the moon. Is that correct?
- Yes, that's correct - So I was listening
And you are Neil Armstrong after this sex change operation. Is this correct?
No, that is not correct You were not listening at all.
My name is Richter. Renate Richter.
and I tried to save this man's life and I think he's stupid, childish and ungrateful
OK ask Miss Moon Nazi here, was I, or was I not on the dark side of the moon
Yes, Mr. Washington.. James Washington was on the dark side of the moon.
There, what did I tell you
I am black, but now I'm white. I went to the dark side of the moon, but now I'm back.
and the Nazis are coming to kill us all
And you guys are going to be so sorry that you didn't listen to me.
Mr. Washington James, Why are you so upset and so angry?
- Get lost. - But I do not understand I mean
We made you white
We talked to you National Socialist message about peace and unity
You people have robbed me of everything.
My race, my identity, my career.
In the beginning, I think I'm flipping my mind too I mean just everything
Do you know this?
Yes.
Come on.. Come on in. I will explain it to you Then you will understand.
You are one sweet bride I'll give you that
Oh you know You pay for the popcorn.
Man what a bullshit
It was ...
- It was so long. - Yeah, they could have edited down a bit
He was mocking the fuhrer
I'm getting a sense a lot about nazis you don't know
- But I am a Nazi - Yeah, yeah I know but you are not like
Well like them A bunch of stupid bullies
No, I'm sure they are good boys
and loyal to the Reich and their mothers
look, they are wearing the symbol of love
The swastika? Yes.
I have never heard they call that before.
No.
What do we got here, blond hair, blue eyes, nice rack
Even Hitler will get a hard-on
- I got this look guys, we don't want any trouble - Get lost hobo
- I have got plenty of stories to tell - Stop that, that is enough
What she needs is a good war
A war always make the president popular.
Well, I might be able to help her out there
What do you mean?
One word from me, and the invasion from the moon begins
- You never break character do you? - No.
I can never be broken
- You smell so good. - The time has come
I will show you my plans.
Come back here.
Look I up to something
Oh big fella
All working and no play?
Now listen, don't you think if I stick to the president ...
Will the troops stay in line with us?
We order the moon invasion
It will be quite a less bloodshed.
other than eliminating the moon fuhrer.
Klaus Adler.
So Klaus, is the clown joining us?
What, did you all bought tickets?
Okay so don't you want to introduce me to your friends
Get your hooks off me you crystal knock piece of shit
I can make it worthwhile for you. Please let me go.
Don't shoot.
I am here to tell you that I have nothing to do with you or your plans
You Nazi piece of shit
he fell for the old one last blowjob offer
God.. Nazis are stupid.
I compliments you on your marksmanship
Shame. She was such a nice girl Just have to kill her later
So, it was real?
- All this time. - Never doubt a Nazi, beautiful woman.
Farewell, fashionista
I have a planet to conquer
I will just grab this
Bye
Good luck with the rest of your life.
Un fucking believable
Thank you, Kelly. Moments ago New York has come under attack
Witnesses claiming having seen hundreds of UFO's appearing suddenly over the city and opening fire
Billy get that.. get that. Are you getting that?
Kelly, the craft is at least 60 feet across
I'm seeing what appear to be weapons of some-kind dangling down from the bottom.
Oh my god,oh my God, it's opening fire I'm going to hide
We have a little information ...
- Ok you see the thing is, Klaus - I know this was your doing.
- It's wonderful - It's wonderful?
It's brilliant. I'm a wartime president now.
All presidents who start a war in their first term
always get re-elected, I thought, I was gonna bomb Australia or something
Now, you bring me real
- Who are these guys anyway? - Nazis.
- from the moon. - Real life Nazis?
Holy shit, this just keeps getting better and better
You are a miracle work of thing.
They are the only guys we ever actually managed to beat in a fair fight..
I'm just like Franklin D. Roosevelt. but no, I'm not spastic.
I knew you'll be excited
So, if you're Roosevelt, then who is your General Patton or you know MacArthur.
Mr. Secretary of Defense. Do you have any thoughts on this?
Send her.
- Me? - Hey you're the miracle worker.
Apparently you dodged bullets too
- I wouldn't know.. - What to wear? You think of something
- You always do.. - Madam President
Ready to face the music?
Escape from the Nazis.
Take us upstate We need to go back to the moon
We? No no no see, we rhymes with me.and I ain't going, you don't get it
- They got a Gotterdammerung all over the moon. - I don't give a good God damn what they have
- I'm not going back to that place. No way. - You want to look like that for the rest of your life?
Oh great, now this is my fault
- Let me in - I am no hero, James.
I need you.
Do you know how to drive this thing?
Well can't be any different than playing 'wing commander'
Lets try..
I swear we do not have nothing on the moon
- Japan? - It is not ours
- China? - It is not us
It's bloody well not ours
- I confess - Yes, North Korea? Confess to what?
The spaceships are ours.
Our beloved leader designed and build it himself
- What is so funny? - All right, North Korea. Sit down.
- So, it was you India, I knew that - No, no no no that is a sign of peace
This is the sign of peace
Just cut it out morons. These thugs are Nazis. I mean the real, original.
They have been hiding on the moon just waiting to pounce
Now my question is, what you all planning to do about it?
We just happen to have a little something up our own sleeve
And I'm sure that you'll be thankful for it
May I present you tomorrow's exploration ship the USS George W Bush.
Good work, take it to Officer Tyler.
This is trajectory, how your status on the orbit window
Commander on deck
The hostile fleet's has launched a full scale aerial attack against the US
These Zeppelins appear to be carriers and they are operating fully within the thermosphere
Each of them carry approximately 200 enemy vessels and are extremely
Hell has no fury, Mr. Adler.
Alright kiddies let get this show on the road
Vivian, you look great. How is it going up there?
Madam President, I couldn't be better
I am packing dozens of mega tonnes of nuclear warheads
which I am going to carefully place on Klaus's proud ass
- As soon as I get him in my sights - Carry on, kick butt
Let them see what baby can do.
Working at optimum capacity Ammo consumption within tolerance
We are coming under heavy extreme enemy fires We need reinforcement right now
What the hell is the meaning of this?
Good day mate this Australian ship, the Indurain 1. Ready to kickass
Spitfire reporting in
Hanging there W Canada joining the battle
this is a direct violation of international space treaty that
you all signed, every single one of you
Ready to join the battles
That is supposed to be destroyed
this is an outrage, you are all lies just like my ex ex-husband
- Calm down lady, calm down - Don't you lady me, pinko
Okay who didn't armed their spaceship?
Oh Great, great. That's just great
- You all gave me your word - You always broke yours
We always break ours, this is what we do
Okay fine fine fine
Lets just beat shit out of these pricks and talk about the details later
This is beautiful
- Where the hell are we going? - To the Gotterdammerung.
I think Klaus will be there.
What did you think of that?
Alright, what about this moon business
What you say we head over there and slap them around a bit
Klaus, baby I coming to get you.
- What the hell is this place? - This is the Gotterdammerung.
It will liberate the earth
Actually
It is the biggest war machine ever built.
- This is the bridge. That's where I'm going - I need to find your father so.
- Where do you think he at? - I think you will find him over there
Try to sneak in, and please paralyze the engines
- Or otherwise the earth is destroyed. - Note to self, paralyze the engines got it
Oh No no. You be careful
- I mean you know... - What?
- Because you like me. - Right...
Oh, come on, a little
You like me....
We have a visual on the Nazi fortress, commander
Obviously I'm overstated as usual Klaus
Alright, everyone, let get those nukes in action
- I am declaring this fortress a free-fire-zone - Commander there are woman and children down there
The United States of America does not negotiate with terrorists.
- Prime warhead on secondary armament - Roger that
- Prepare all available warhead on ground... - Fire the fucking nukes
Nukes away
Job well done
Remember me?
The moon spook you turned into a snowflake
Oh shit, it's alive
He must have the smallest dick in the universe.
Time
to fight back.
Everyone, take positions around this fat fellas and wait for my command to open fire.
- Offensive ground confirmed - Let her rip
- Washington, do you hear me? - Where are you?
- You need to shut down the engines - I'm working on it.
I congratulate you.
High five
Well that was disappointing
Do you think he suffered? Even just a little?
Vivian, I knew you could do it. Sensational, all the way. Congratulations.
- What's Helium 3? - Helium
Did you say Helium 3?
Yes, there are like about 15 to 20 giant towers that appear to be full of this stuff
- That's ours. - It is? Why?
Helium 3, will make the U.S. independent of all energy needs for the next thousand years
Yes, it's ours.
Hear me out
The moon is American soil moon flag, star and stripes
Who beat the moon Nazis? We did, well...
Well, you help out here and there but ultimately it is just like WWII ...
and who won that? We did
- You lie. - Don't believe me?
Watch the movie. Movies don't lies.
Not the shoes, Jesus
Vivian, this is the Secretary of Defense.
- Defend Helium 3 at all costs. - Defend against who?
Against everybody
Unfortunately that's the story of revenge that's missing
Never really works out the way you wanted too
I feel lonely.
Allowing our hearts, or we will burn ...
burn in hell, burning in eternal damnation.
Renata
Washington.
You are alive.
It's okay
And you're in a way you meant to me.
Are you aware that you are kissing a black man?
I guess they have a lot of work cut out for us.